We Were on a Break!
No, not the Ross and Rachel kind of break.
The first break might be obvious- I haven’t written anything in 7 weeks. I’m not just talking about this newsletter, but also my short essays and memoir that I’m always working on. While I’ve been so happy that I got a promotion at work, with great power comes great responsibility (you better be picturing Tom Holland because he’s the only Spiderman who matters), so I haven’t had as much time for my hobbies. At first, I told myself I’d find 30 minutes a night to write but when it started to feel like a chore or homework, I decided it was time for a break. Our generation is also on the go, we see everyone on social media doing it all, but they never show us that behind the scenes they are likely crashing and burning. I also found that the second I felt ready to start again, my mind ran with exciting new ideas and the highest level of motivation.
Next came my therapist telling me we should take a break. Of course, she didn’t actually say it like that. See, I love therapy so much and pride myself on being so ~therapized~ that I tend to rely on it too much sometimes. My friend said something or did something that I want to confront them about….I wait until I talk it over with my therapist first. I am anxious about something I’ve been anxious about many times before….I’ll wait to hear my therapist tell me the same coping tool for the 100th time before I deal with it. When it comes to feeling sad over not having my dad around, I put a little label on it that this shouldn’t be felt right now but I’ll bring it up in therapy to deal with it.
I’ve learned there’s a difference between sharing things in therapy and dealing with it, at least for me. I talk while separating my feelings from the words, it’s just telling a story that doesn’t feel like mine. I got CALLED OUT for this by my therapist. She told me that in my 10, yes 10, years of therapy, I have more than enough tools in my coping toolkit and that I need to find one that doesn’t allow me to dissociate from my feelings in the way that therapy does.
When you truly want to overcome something you have to feel to heal. So when someone tells you to stop crying or you tell yourself to get out of bed and be productive instead of sulking, you’re only prolonging the pain. Of course, I’m not saying to sit in bed all week long and give up hope, but there’s a balance. In my break from therapy, I’ve learned my recipe to feel and heal (from the medium things in life). This can be done throughout the work day, a weekend, or sometimes you need another break in your life: a mental health day.
Sleep in and be lazy
9+ hours of sleep, even if you need to pop a magnesium or melatonin vitamin to achieve this. Stay in bed even after you wake up and do something mindless.
Watch a movie or TV show/read a book you’ve seen before. The Last Song/A Walk to Remember type of vibe…dare I say Marley and Me.
Eat
Even if you don’t want to, you will want to build the energy for later.
Sit in it
Whether it's with your sad songs playlist or in a dark, silent room- just feel whatever comes and goes. Try naming it without labeling it as a good or bad feeling- it’s just a feeling.
Personally, I can’t do this for more than 1 song before I start to feel overwhelmed with my thoughts, so then I go on to the next
Use my healthy coping outlet to get it all out
I journal about everything and anything relating to my emotions and what made me feel this way. Usually, I end up getting off-topic for a while, but I find that sometimes the breaking point isn’t my issue and the things building up inside of me are.
You could talk to a friend, write a song, dance, or whatever you find to be helpful.
Now that your head is clearer, fill it with something positive
I eased into it by staying in bed but reading a chapter or two of a self help book.
You could write what you’re grateful for, go through your favorite photos, or listen to a positive podcast.
Sweat it out
(or walk it out) to get the endorphins going
Make your favorite meal that is both nutritious and delicious
Do something fun with someone you love
Be proud of taking care of yourself and go to bed knowing tomorrow will be a better day because of it
R.E.P.O.R.T.
Reading: I can’t figure out my feelings about this book yet, but I just finished The Things We Leave Unfinished by Rebecca Yaros. I loved it at first, but then I got bored, and then I couldn’t put it down. It’s a dual timeline romance novel with present day enemy to lovers, and it weaves in a World War 2 love story. It’s full of passion, resilience, tension, and and I loved the historical romance.
Eating: This corn salad recipe is the perfect side to my favorite summer meals.
Playing: My favorite podcast lately has been Real Pod with Victoria Garrick Browne. She’s a mental health and eating disorder advocate who has eye-opening and vulnerable conversations with lots of other influencers as well as shares her story.
Obsessing: over Afternoon Tea! It’s the potential theme for my sister’s baby shower so we went to Sweet Tease Tea Room in Belmar, NJ and I felt like a modern Bridgerton character.
Recommending: If you live in Hoboken or Manhattan, you NEED to take the Rockaway Beach Ferry from Pier 11 and have a girl's day in Rockaway Beach. 1. The $4 ferry is an hour long and you get to go by Lady Liberty, Coney Island, and you have the best views of Manhattan as you leave and arrive. Sit on top and enjoy a nice Summer Ale while the wind blows in your hair (but wear a hair tie because your hair will whip you in the face the whole time). You wouldn’t believe this beach is in Queens! It's a perfect beach town, with soft sand, and it’s a free beach.
Treating: myself to a self-care Sunday with my new book, Just for the Summer, and absolutely nothing else.
